Katelyn, I'm constantly amazed at how similar our stories seem to be. Your book echoed so many thoughts I've been wrestling with these last few years, and this is yet another article that completely resonates with me. I'm fortunate enough to have been part of relatively healthy churches with healthy and loving leaders, and even then it's sometimes a struggle for me to want to stay planted in the church. I can only imagine how hard it is for those who have suffered serious spiritual church abuse to even contemplate showing up to church each week. As to your 4th point about being called to reform from within, that is also where I currently find myself, and in the US of all places (I'm not American). Thanks once again for using your voice to speak into an institution that so desperately needs to hear the things you are saying.
Katelyn, I would love to hear more about the church you were involved with that took "bonding and bridging" seriously. What did it look like practically, how hard was it to put into action, and what were the results? Hoping that this could be something you write about in the future.
I can’t seem to go with anticipation. I attend semi-regularly with dread. It feels like I can’t breathe when I walk in. Trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I did recently have to resign my worship leading and coordinator role, and maybe I’m just tired of all the questions.
Hi Pamela! I wanted to validate that attending the same church after resigning is an emotionally challenging place to be in. That’s where I was almost 2 years ago (I resigned from a youth ministry position). For me, stepping away from that church and giving myself space is what I needed, and while it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made, I’ve found peace amidst the grief of leaving. I don’t know what’s the best choice for you, but I wanted to encourage you that it’s okay to leave if you want/need to and that you’re not alone in the pain ❤️
I’m learning that listening to my body and inner self is key for feelings like a full human--if your gut is telling you that you need space, I encourage you to take it. And giving yourself some space doesn’t mean you have to decide now whether or not you’ll ever go back again. Take the space you need for as long as you need, and let that long-term decision come later if that’s what’s best for you right now. I hope some peace comes to you in the midst of this painful transition! ❤️
This is fantastic, Katelyn. I wrestled with this same question as I wrote my next book about what it's like to be the son of a sexual predator preacher, and I've landed in the same places you did in this great piece.
Just this week, while sitting to pen my most recent post moving towards a few pieces on how discipleship got us here (see also your James KA Smith references!), I paused and asked, "What is the good news yet to be practiced? Where does Jesus still taste sweet to me and how am I displaying that to others in spite of what I'm writing?" I think your work here provides a solid response to that!
Thank you for continuing to share your work and voice with us. Grace and peace, Michele
I love this whole thing but I especially love this part: "We don’t think our way into the kingdom of God, as if discipleship is primarily about believing all the right things while spending our lives being good little individualistic consumers. As Smith writes, 'the way we inhabit the world is not primarily as thinkers, or even believers, but as more affective, embodied creatures who make our way in the world more by feeling our way around it.' That means we love our way into the kingdom of God."
I really enjoyed this... (shared link from Scot McKnight). I appreciated your honesty and humility with good reasons to continue. Though I know burn victims don't get near the church easily, it's God's idea for so many reasons. The Earliest Church had their problems, and the writers of the epistles addressed these. I especially liked your reason #2. It's good for our health. (God's ideas always seem to be.) Thanks for your work.
This is so good, and why I stay, even when it hurts. And it's not easy.
Katelyn, I'm constantly amazed at how similar our stories seem to be. Your book echoed so many thoughts I've been wrestling with these last few years, and this is yet another article that completely resonates with me. I'm fortunate enough to have been part of relatively healthy churches with healthy and loving leaders, and even then it's sometimes a struggle for me to want to stay planted in the church. I can only imagine how hard it is for those who have suffered serious spiritual church abuse to even contemplate showing up to church each week. As to your 4th point about being called to reform from within, that is also where I currently find myself, and in the US of all places (I'm not American). Thanks once again for using your voice to speak into an institution that so desperately needs to hear the things you are saying.
Katelyn, I would love to hear more about the church you were involved with that took "bonding and bridging" seriously. What did it look like practically, how hard was it to put into action, and what were the results? Hoping that this could be something you write about in the future.
I can’t seem to go with anticipation. I attend semi-regularly with dread. It feels like I can’t breathe when I walk in. Trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I did recently have to resign my worship leading and coordinator role, and maybe I’m just tired of all the questions.
Hi Pamela! I wanted to validate that attending the same church after resigning is an emotionally challenging place to be in. That’s where I was almost 2 years ago (I resigned from a youth ministry position). For me, stepping away from that church and giving myself space is what I needed, and while it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made, I’ve found peace amidst the grief of leaving. I don’t know what’s the best choice for you, but I wanted to encourage you that it’s okay to leave if you want/need to and that you’re not alone in the pain ❤️
Thank you!
I needed to hear that. I think I need some space, because it seems to get harder every time I go. ❤️🙏🏼
I’m learning that listening to my body and inner self is key for feelings like a full human--if your gut is telling you that you need space, I encourage you to take it. And giving yourself some space doesn’t mean you have to decide now whether or not you’ll ever go back again. Take the space you need for as long as you need, and let that long-term decision come later if that’s what’s best for you right now. I hope some peace comes to you in the midst of this painful transition! ❤️
Thank you! 😊
This is fantastic, Katelyn. I wrestled with this same question as I wrote my next book about what it's like to be the son of a sexual predator preacher, and I've landed in the same places you did in this great piece.
I really resonate w No. 4 and also gosh, it is such a hard thing to do.
Hi Katelyn - I've been a follower of your work for a few years now, and found particular resonance with this piece. It shares considerable heartbeats with a piece a posted on my own Substack back in April (linked here: https://open.substack.com/pub/michelearndt/p/from-anger-to-action?r=1zp0o8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web), but what I really liked about yours was the way you articulated why you stay in the church.
Just this week, while sitting to pen my most recent post moving towards a few pieces on how discipleship got us here (see also your James KA Smith references!), I paused and asked, "What is the good news yet to be practiced? Where does Jesus still taste sweet to me and how am I displaying that to others in spite of what I'm writing?" I think your work here provides a solid response to that!
Thank you for continuing to share your work and voice with us. Grace and peace, Michele
Great citation in section 2 - Robert Putnam on "social capital" and video thereon!!!
I love this whole thing but I especially love this part: "We don’t think our way into the kingdom of God, as if discipleship is primarily about believing all the right things while spending our lives being good little individualistic consumers. As Smith writes, 'the way we inhabit the world is not primarily as thinkers, or even believers, but as more affective, embodied creatures who make our way in the world more by feeling our way around it.' That means we love our way into the kingdom of God."
This is so well expressed and so very important. Thanks for this.
I appreciated the Douthat quote.
Thanks Katelyn. This resonates with me a a fairly deep level
The church isn't perfect, but the Head of the Church is and I need Him and His people to work on my imperfections. Thanks, Katelyn, for writing.
I really enjoyed this... (shared link from Scot McKnight). I appreciated your honesty and humility with good reasons to continue. Though I know burn victims don't get near the church easily, it's God's idea for so many reasons. The Earliest Church had their problems, and the writers of the epistles addressed these. I especially liked your reason #2. It's good for our health. (God's ideas always seem to be.) Thanks for your work.