My Story of Spiritual Abuse: A Guest Essay

Erika Tovi's story details sexual harassment and emotional manipulation at the hands of a prominent senior pastor.

Erika Tovi is one of the 180-plus women who shared with me their stories of facing the evangelical bro code — the catchall term I began using last fall to describe the dynamics of misogyny and marginalization that many women experience inside Christian organizations. A Japanese American writer living with her family in Georgia, Tovi recently wrote publicly about her experience of spiritual abuse inside a prominent church in the South. With her permission, I’m sharing it here because it captures so many common elements of stories of spiritual abuse, especially inside megachurches where so much rises and falls on the persona and charisma of the senior pastor.

In Tovi’s case, the senior pastor acts differently on stage and off. He sexually harasses her and pursues inappropriate emotional intimacy at various points. After Tovi leaves her staff position, she submits a statement to the church board — seemingly composed of “genuinely good-hearted men” — detailing her experience, hoping they …